whee-hoo !
i went clubbing on saturday =))
then went back to my cousins place at 7+ am ,

sunday : after i reached back at 7 am , i slept ..
then woke up at 12.40 pm ..
then went home and went for tuition ..
then , after tuition , i went slackings =)
then went home ..

monday : i went to skl , after tht went back home ,went to library , then grabbed dinner , and headed home ..

tuesday : (today =D ) went to skl , after skl , went to my best fren's hse , and got back at like , 9 .. it was superrrr fun today .. i was busy gng crazy =)) so yea ..

thats all i guess , nth else i think ..

well yea =))

annoyed & feeling so lonely , like , shit , wtf am i supposed to do with my life till i finally die ?

hmmph .

updates :

1) i did my final colouring for my lotus tattoo today . so next tattoo i have to move on to will be just perfecting a tattoo tht i already have . the word 'sane' on my wrist .. doesnt look tht great right now so , yea ..

well thats it , basically .

bleahh .

yes , i am aware tht i havent blogged in like , forever .. oh well .. malas nak blog arhq ..
so ... updates :
1) im back in contact with nikki ! my overseas really2 gud fren =D
2) i have STOPPED with the *sevitaxal* . took 8 once , huge mistake , lets not even go there ...
3) been meeting boify almost everyday =O
4) this week's just not my week . hmpphs . ( not exactly an update , huh ? )
5) gng up the scale agn . up3 ! fucking fate tht this has to happen .

okieee . well im too tired and lazy to blog anymore .
so maybe i'll blog tmr , maybe i wont .
we'll see .

xoxo

140310

here i am , down on my knees , beside my bed , and all i can think about is death , oh lord . visions of my past flashing before my eyes . i've never really believed in eu all my life . i was never faithful enough to eu . but , if eu were really there , wld eu help me ? forgive all my sins , and save me from drowning in the ocean of sorrow ? i feel alone , helpless , and stupid . unworthy . pathetic . i'm sorry , for all tht i have done . save me , heal me . i'm repenting for all my sins now , this torturous demon inside me , its killing me . i never thought it would come to this .

do eu really hate me so much ? a daily necessity - eating , and its just so hard . it hurts , so bad . there's a voice stuck in my head . its telling me things . lots of things abt myself . hearing tht voice , i hurt deep inside all the time . because , dear god , tht voice is telling me the truth . i'm fat , i'm ugly , i'm worthless . it orders me around all the time . it tells me wat to do . every step i take is being controlled by tht little voice inside me . take me away , like eu did to him . take me wherever eu took him to . the one person i remember ever loving , from the time of my first cry , was him . i miss him so badly . i know , it has been many years . but i can never forget , looking into his sad grey eyes , and feeling his pain , both physical , and emotional . all i an hope for , is little more , dear god , pls take care of him . show him happiness and love . i pray now , take me away , to wherever eu may be with him . away from all this pain , i keep getting hurt over and over again . its not really abt the people around me . its abt me , myself , and i . i'm standing on the edge , of sanity , one more step , and i'll fall , down into the clutches of insanity . the darkness is all around now , just waiting for me . i'll hold on , as tight as i can .


so from 4 , i've gone to 8 . just abt , 15 minutes ago ? i feel like ; shit . dont know the plans for tmr , well , we shall see then ..

i dont wanna blog .
i dont . dont . dont . dont wanna blog .
DONT .
im tired and im lazy , and theres nth much happening right now ..
but well , the march holidays are here , wheee .
one pathetic week , and they got the cheek to call it a holiday .
fcuk the govt man .
shytts , i might just get legal action taken against me for tht .
*changes to fcuk* - hopefully tht made a diff .
so yeaa .
hmmmm .
well , i really dont noe wat else to say ..
wats new right now ?
oh , im on *sevitaxal* .
if eu actually noe wat im toking abt , lemme just say one thing :
dont think too much abt it ,
and abt me after noeing this .
ill be fine .
really ..
well not in the long run ,
but yea .
.___.

080310 ; afternoon (3.57pm to be exact)

* picturee off thee dayy ! *
* wishing well ; *
todayyy wasss : shitty !! i slept at like , 2 plus in the morning , and dad woke me up at 6 for sch .. noe wats the best part ?? sch starts at 8.30 today . so i told him tht , & went back to sleep again .. but i couldnt sleep properly . ishhhq . so i woke up at like 7 , then blah2 , smoked , & left the house .. [i ate pizza for breakfast!] then , i had to rush to skl , i didnt wanna be late tdy .. then in skl , this stupid gay boi pushed my hand and the fuji apple drink rained down on my uniform , AWESOME . but it wasnt like soaked or anything , and the gay boi hurried into his class before i got to him . G R E A T T T ! so then , i ateeeeee , during lunch .. like , shytt , i atee again ! .___. thennn , after-sch slacking plans got cancelled . FANTASTIC . so i just emo-ed at the bus stop wif my bestie , kesh , for like 10 mins , then decided to take a cab back . cos i felt too shitty to walk . now im homee , tiredd . otp with danyaLA . feeling so pathetic . okiee , i cant do this right now . ill blog ltr agn . maybe . maybe not . who noes . i dunno . argghhhhqqqqq !

{ sayonara ; }

070310 ; evening

so i had a list of things tht i had made myself remember to blog abt , but , this ONEEEEE thing happened 10 secs before i stepped into my house , tht made me forget abt everythinggggg . & its all 'tht boii's' fault ! so blahblahblah , then i took his wristband thingy , then i ran up the stairs , then he swore he wasnt gonna take it back , then asked me to come down , so then i did , and he hugged me , then he was like 'anddd' and he kissed me on the cheek . *blush2* teeheex !!


..................................................................................................................................................................


so i was supposed to go to chinatown after tuition rite ? but i didnt .. cos it was late edi , cos we went to get lunch , kfc [ohgawd the fucking calories rite ? i noe !] .. so then we slacked & went to amk , slacked again , & he walked me back homee .

well then ,
{ sayonara ! }
* blush3 !*

070310

THERE . =)) soo ,i was too tired to blog ytd .. havent been getting much sleep lately .. thankgawd for the march holidays .. being an insomniac isnt easy , eu noe ? hmphhs . soo well , wat i did ytd : went to amk hub to meet my [cousin] sister , my darlingg =) , then went to the polyclinic with her , when we got there , guess wat ? 2 hrs waiting time . and i was like ; eu've got to be kidding me . so we went to tpy and the polyclinic there was closed =/ .. then we went to meet my frenn and it was loadss of fun ! i said hello to this 2 banglahs and they said hi back and i asked them to say hello to my fren , lol ! they did , and my fren said hello back . hahahahahahahax . FUNNEH :D . so then i went to tpy central , shopped , went to meet 'tht boii =) ' at bugis , shopped agn , and finallyyyyyy went to amk . & he walked me homee , so sweet ! heex ! * & this is the part where eu can start gng AWHHHH ; *

....................................................................................................................................................................

so wat im gonna do tdy : im gng to go for math tuition at 2 , then ill meet tht boii at 4 at hougang mrt , then ill go to chinaaatown ! gonna go do the final colouring for my lotus , cos the prev tattoo can still be seen a little .. thennnn , if i decide to , ill go get the word ' sane ' re -done .. it doesnt look tht great right now , lols .. so yeaa , i might or might not blog agn at night . there is a faint possibility thoughh . hehx .

{ sayonara } ;D

okiee , let me continue with my previous post .

i saw this movie , and it made me think ..

i've concluded tht life has to have a meaning to it .

be someone BIG .

( or die trying ? )

help those in need .

value every individual . - who deserves to be valued .

...........................................................................................................................................................

i want to :

be able to think clearly ,

feel better ,

be cheerful ,

be in control of my emotions .

i want *enimaxovulf* .

no , let me correct tht statement ,

i need *enimaxovulf* .

but at the same time ,

i feel like the only thing tht i really have ,

the only thing thts really mine is my *noisserped* .

does 'god' exist ?

well if he does ,

i wanna noe smth ..

why did eu make me this way ?

wat did i do so wrong , to deserve all this ?

new blogg ;
okie , so let me start lamenting .

1 ) i dont think i have a talent .

2 ) im unbelievably hideous looking .

3 ) why cant anything go well for more than 5 seconds for me ?

4 ) no one noes who i really am , but judge me too quickly .

5 ) i feel lonely .

6 ) i feel so stupid . : i dropped to normal acad this year ( yes i was in express , *surpise2* , & i cant do na studies ? )

7 ) i dont noe wat i want in life .

8 ) the future is so uncertain , & tht makes me feel very uncomfortable with everything .