Somewhere we went wrong
We were once so strong
Our love is like a song
You can't forget it
At all

And at last
All the pictures have been burned
And all the past
Is just a lesson that we've learned
I won't forget
I won't forget us

i tried to be a picture perfect girl , but eu were in ur own fantasy world , trying to control me , like some kind of barbie , but that just aint me ~

its so hard to keep up to my goal (of proving ppl wrong ) but ,
i will ! its hard , but tht just proves tht this is really2 important .
...................................................................................

im so tired of :
1) ppl lying to me
2) being the second best fren all the time

1 - i hate it when i trust someone and they lie to me . it motherfucking sucks .

2 - i've had so many best frens , but i've always felt like im their 2nd bestfren . like , they have one real one , and then theres me . the second , less-close best fren . haishh . well , they say they treat me equally but theres a part of me tht says , they're lying .

MOVING ON TO MORE LIGHTHEARTED THINGSYS `

woooo-hoooo . pon-ned skl tdy . hehehehex ! went to lpk , and went swimming in the afternoon . got sunburnt !! ughhh . now im the color of milo . oh sweet2 milo .

eu noe wat , sometimes eu do things and set goals not cos of ur personal believes .

just to prove ppl wrong , eu noe ?

and i noe , ur not supposed to care wat ppl think , blahblahblah , but .......

i dont fucking care .

this is important !

there is this one person who i want to prove wrong .

1) supersize mehh ;D

2) education-wise

3) attitude-wise

4) social-life-wise

...............................................................................

hmphh ..

puki sakk !!

stress stress stress ~

so many things to get angry over , so many things to cry about .

but im not gonna let these emotions take over me and just cry , cos im alot stronger than that ..

and the feeling that eu get , like all the decisions eu've ever made were wrong ..

haishh .

all i can do right now is just chill and wait for this phase to be over ..

and mid year exams have started ! english & mt paper is over . english , im kinda confident .

but for mt ? err ,lets just say ill be happy if i got C5 ? yea , i noe , omfg .


ps : i hateee ignorant people and i really2 cant stand them , so if eu're one of them , dont even dream of talking to me ~ ( people who talk like they noe everything when they dont even have a clue . ) !

220410

its been so long since i blogged ! god .. lots of stuff has happened .. and well , wat can i say , life's a bitch .. so let me lament ;)

today , my contact lenses tore , so i went and bought new contacts . anddd , i bought this compact powder (i havent used it yet ) and it has gone missing . so i had to go buy another one , cos mines abt to finish ( well not really , i throw them away before i see a huge hole in the middle cos , it doesnt look .. nice ? looks pathetic-ish ) . and then i bought a pack of ciggies and woo-hoo , there goes my 60 bucks .. byee2 money , ill miss eu .

DAMN ! and i was supposed to buy this contour palette , i was supposed to buy it and get it shipped here , ( come to think of it , i should just go but a bunch of contour colors frm mac . ishhq ! too late . ) but then i had to go buy all these things and had to temporarily put my wishlist on a hold ..

well , thats all i have to say actually ..

if eu're wondering , yeah , i live for makeup , its the best thing that can happen to a girl ;D

im sick =( i hateeeeeeeeeeeee being sick .. having sore throat now .. arghhqq ! so annoyed ..
andd , im so sick of being judged . fuck . i hate it when this happens .. haishh .. fuck la , i wanna just disappear ..

010410

i noe , i noe , its been a while since i've blogged . i noe , eu miss being a busybody and noeing stuff abt me , hehx ! ;D

so .. i feel tht i should just clear smth up right now , to all those who read my blog , ( there are very few , cos i havent been advertising it like most others do .

READ : yes , i noe i have been open abt having an eating disorder and have blogged abt it here , but , i would not like ppl to come and ask me anything abt it .. so eu may think :' then why did eu even blog abt it in the first place ? ' well . its my blog , and its only mine for a reason . i can write abt watever i want . i dont really mind blogging abt my ED cos not many ppl noe abt this blog .. but , to whoever reading this , i would appreciate it if eu dont come up to me and ask me questions regarding this topic . ur understanding is much appreciated ;)

.....................................................................................................................................

okieee , lemme start lamenting .

ohmyfuckin'gawd .

so , today i came to maths class , like , 2 minutes late , (cos someone borrowed my lighter) , and sat down . then the teacher yelled at me . he was angry tht i handed up a blank worksheet (did i mention it was a graded test ?) graded test. tests are graded . no i mean the marks will be included in the exam , gahh , nvm . so yea .. then he went on , to say tht : if i wanted to work as a model , i have to study too , most ppl in tht industry are bimbos , i can only work as a model till 25 (not really tht true) , i can only get signed on at 18 ( NOT TRUE ) and tht i can be vain at a later age ( wtf does tht have to do wif anything ?! and im not vain ! wait , fine , i may be vain , but in skl , i dun really care abt how i look. ) and he was yellingggg3 and the whole class went quiet . and at the end of his 'speech' i turned to my left and told my classmate ' i didnt deserve tht' and a few ppl giggled . hehx .

............................................................................................

so , i wanna take private o's . but , turns out i have to go transfer to private skl THIS YEAR . i cant do it next yr . fantastic . i dunno wat to do . i need to go talk to my skl counsellor , im too confused abt this right now ..

...........................................................................................

so , omg out of nowhere , lets call this person , 'X' . ( ex bf drama -.- ) so , X called me . while i was having breakfast . 6.05 am , and asks me to pon skl and meet . and i was like , 'no .. why would i wanna meet eu anyway .. we dont actually noe each other *we do , but like, malas nak explain arhqq! * . and blah2 , then he says he awol , and hes gonna 'surrender' (surrender sounds too serious for such a thing , lol .) in the afternoon .. gonna go db .. then im like *kinda sad for him , i've got to admit* but i didnt want him to see righ thru me , so yea .. blah2 .. ohgodd .. then he was like 'sad' tht i didnt wanna meet . so then he was like , so eu mean eu dont wanna tok to me or meet me anymore ? and i was like : err .. mm .. WAT ELSE WAS I SUPPOSED TO SAY !

okiee .
thats it .
(ooh , happy april fools , just thought i shld wish everyone . then again , i dunno if its smth eu wish ppl , gahh . wateverr xD )
xxx ;

whee-hoo !
i went clubbing on saturday =))
then went back to my cousins place at 7+ am ,

sunday : after i reached back at 7 am , i slept ..
then woke up at 12.40 pm ..
then went home and went for tuition ..
then , after tuition , i went slackings =)
then went home ..

monday : i went to skl , after tht went back home ,went to library , then grabbed dinner , and headed home ..

tuesday : (today =D ) went to skl , after skl , went to my best fren's hse , and got back at like , 9 .. it was superrrr fun today .. i was busy gng crazy =)) so yea ..

thats all i guess , nth else i think ..

well yea =))

annoyed & feeling so lonely , like , shit , wtf am i supposed to do with my life till i finally die ?

hmmph .

updates :

1) i did my final colouring for my lotus tattoo today . so next tattoo i have to move on to will be just perfecting a tattoo tht i already have . the word 'sane' on my wrist .. doesnt look tht great right now so , yea ..

well thats it , basically .

bleahh .

yes , i am aware tht i havent blogged in like , forever .. oh well .. malas nak blog arhq ..
so ... updates :
1) im back in contact with nikki ! my overseas really2 gud fren =D
2) i have STOPPED with the *sevitaxal* . took 8 once , huge mistake , lets not even go there ...
3) been meeting boify almost everyday =O
4) this week's just not my week . hmpphs . ( not exactly an update , huh ? )
5) gng up the scale agn . up3 ! fucking fate tht this has to happen .

okieee . well im too tired and lazy to blog anymore .
so maybe i'll blog tmr , maybe i wont .
we'll see .

xoxo

140310

here i am , down on my knees , beside my bed , and all i can think about is death , oh lord . visions of my past flashing before my eyes . i've never really believed in eu all my life . i was never faithful enough to eu . but , if eu were really there , wld eu help me ? forgive all my sins , and save me from drowning in the ocean of sorrow ? i feel alone , helpless , and stupid . unworthy . pathetic . i'm sorry , for all tht i have done . save me , heal me . i'm repenting for all my sins now , this torturous demon inside me , its killing me . i never thought it would come to this .

do eu really hate me so much ? a daily necessity - eating , and its just so hard . it hurts , so bad . there's a voice stuck in my head . its telling me things . lots of things abt myself . hearing tht voice , i hurt deep inside all the time . because , dear god , tht voice is telling me the truth . i'm fat , i'm ugly , i'm worthless . it orders me around all the time . it tells me wat to do . every step i take is being controlled by tht little voice inside me . take me away , like eu did to him . take me wherever eu took him to . the one person i remember ever loving , from the time of my first cry , was him . i miss him so badly . i know , it has been many years . but i can never forget , looking into his sad grey eyes , and feeling his pain , both physical , and emotional . all i an hope for , is little more , dear god , pls take care of him . show him happiness and love . i pray now , take me away , to wherever eu may be with him . away from all this pain , i keep getting hurt over and over again . its not really abt the people around me . its abt me , myself , and i . i'm standing on the edge , of sanity , one more step , and i'll fall , down into the clutches of insanity . the darkness is all around now , just waiting for me . i'll hold on , as tight as i can .


so from 4 , i've gone to 8 . just abt , 15 minutes ago ? i feel like ; shit . dont know the plans for tmr , well , we shall see then ..

i dont wanna blog .
i dont . dont . dont . dont wanna blog .
DONT .
im tired and im lazy , and theres nth much happening right now ..
but well , the march holidays are here , wheee .
one pathetic week , and they got the cheek to call it a holiday .
fcuk the govt man .
shytts , i might just get legal action taken against me for tht .
*changes to fcuk* - hopefully tht made a diff .
so yeaa .
hmmmm .
well , i really dont noe wat else to say ..
wats new right now ?
oh , im on *sevitaxal* .
if eu actually noe wat im toking abt , lemme just say one thing :
dont think too much abt it ,
and abt me after noeing this .
ill be fine .
really ..
well not in the long run ,
but yea .
.___.

080310 ; afternoon (3.57pm to be exact)

* picturee off thee dayy ! *
* wishing well ; *
todayyy wasss : shitty !! i slept at like , 2 plus in the morning , and dad woke me up at 6 for sch .. noe wats the best part ?? sch starts at 8.30 today . so i told him tht , & went back to sleep again .. but i couldnt sleep properly . ishhhq . so i woke up at like 7 , then blah2 , smoked , & left the house .. [i ate pizza for breakfast!] then , i had to rush to skl , i didnt wanna be late tdy .. then in skl , this stupid gay boi pushed my hand and the fuji apple drink rained down on my uniform , AWESOME . but it wasnt like soaked or anything , and the gay boi hurried into his class before i got to him . G R E A T T T ! so then , i ateeeeee , during lunch .. like , shytt , i atee again ! .___. thennn , after-sch slacking plans got cancelled . FANTASTIC . so i just emo-ed at the bus stop wif my bestie , kesh , for like 10 mins , then decided to take a cab back . cos i felt too shitty to walk . now im homee , tiredd . otp with danyaLA . feeling so pathetic . okiee , i cant do this right now . ill blog ltr agn . maybe . maybe not . who noes . i dunno . argghhhhqqqqq !

{ sayonara ; }

070310 ; evening

so i had a list of things tht i had made myself remember to blog abt , but , this ONEEEEE thing happened 10 secs before i stepped into my house , tht made me forget abt everythinggggg . & its all 'tht boii's' fault ! so blahblahblah , then i took his wristband thingy , then i ran up the stairs , then he swore he wasnt gonna take it back , then asked me to come down , so then i did , and he hugged me , then he was like 'anddd' and he kissed me on the cheek . *blush2* teeheex !!


..................................................................................................................................................................


so i was supposed to go to chinatown after tuition rite ? but i didnt .. cos it was late edi , cos we went to get lunch , kfc [ohgawd the fucking calories rite ? i noe !] .. so then we slacked & went to amk , slacked again , & he walked me back homee .

well then ,
{ sayonara ! }
* blush3 !*

070310

THERE . =)) soo ,i was too tired to blog ytd .. havent been getting much sleep lately .. thankgawd for the march holidays .. being an insomniac isnt easy , eu noe ? hmphhs . soo well , wat i did ytd : went to amk hub to meet my [cousin] sister , my darlingg =) , then went to the polyclinic with her , when we got there , guess wat ? 2 hrs waiting time . and i was like ; eu've got to be kidding me . so we went to tpy and the polyclinic there was closed =/ .. then we went to meet my frenn and it was loadss of fun ! i said hello to this 2 banglahs and they said hi back and i asked them to say hello to my fren , lol ! they did , and my fren said hello back . hahahahahahahax . FUNNEH :D . so then i went to tpy central , shopped , went to meet 'tht boii =) ' at bugis , shopped agn , and finallyyyyyy went to amk . & he walked me homee , so sweet ! heex ! * & this is the part where eu can start gng AWHHHH ; *

....................................................................................................................................................................

so wat im gonna do tdy : im gng to go for math tuition at 2 , then ill meet tht boii at 4 at hougang mrt , then ill go to chinaaatown ! gonna go do the final colouring for my lotus , cos the prev tattoo can still be seen a little .. thennnn , if i decide to , ill go get the word ' sane ' re -done .. it doesnt look tht great right now , lols .. so yeaa , i might or might not blog agn at night . there is a faint possibility thoughh . hehx .

{ sayonara } ;D

okiee , let me continue with my previous post .

i saw this movie , and it made me think ..

i've concluded tht life has to have a meaning to it .

be someone BIG .

( or die trying ? )

help those in need .

value every individual . - who deserves to be valued .

...........................................................................................................................................................

i want to :

be able to think clearly ,

feel better ,

be cheerful ,

be in control of my emotions .

i want *enimaxovulf* .

no , let me correct tht statement ,

i need *enimaxovulf* .

but at the same time ,

i feel like the only thing tht i really have ,

the only thing thts really mine is my *noisserped* .

does 'god' exist ?

well if he does ,

i wanna noe smth ..

why did eu make me this way ?

wat did i do so wrong , to deserve all this ?

new blogg ;
okie , so let me start lamenting .

1 ) i dont think i have a talent .

2 ) im unbelievably hideous looking .

3 ) why cant anything go well for more than 5 seconds for me ?

4 ) no one noes who i really am , but judge me too quickly .

5 ) i feel lonely .

6 ) i feel so stupid . : i dropped to normal acad this year ( yes i was in express , *surpise2* , & i cant do na studies ? )

7 ) i dont noe wat i want in life .

8 ) the future is so uncertain , & tht makes me feel very uncomfortable with everything .